Friday, May 12, 2017

De Apna Vishwas

It's 7 o'clock in the morning
I am in a guest room at Gurubachan-Niwas in the Nirankari colony Delhi, where I was staying since the previous day. Have been up quite early this morning - trying to finish packing and getting ready to fly back home - in USA- on a late evening flight.

The Satsang has already started in the hall right across from my room. I can hear everything loud and clear while still gathering and packing my belongings.
The announcer invited the next speaker - who is singing a melodious and quite familiar song:
              "है इतनी अरदास दातेआ - दे अपना विश्वास दातेआ"
         “Hai itani ardaas Daate-aa
          De apna vishwas Daate-aa"

While folding my clothes and setting them in the suitcase, I suddenly found myself humming that song along with the singer.
Now came the next speaker … who is singing:
         "सुपने च वी ना डोले मेरा विश्वास सतगुर"
          "Supne ch’ vi na dolay mera vishwaas Satgur"
Couple of minutes later I realized that I was humming along this song also....... without even realizing what I was singing or its meaning ......it was all mechanical. 

The moment I became aware of this fact, that I was singing along automatically and mechanically, I could not continue my packing anymore. I dropped everything and sat down on the bed - thinking - after all these years of attending Satsangs and listening to the vichaars and experiences of other enlightened ones, and even preaching for so many years, why am I still asking for help to keep my faith strong?
Do I – after all these years, still not have faith in Almighty?
Is my faith shallow and shaky?
Why am I doubtful?

On one hand, I claim that I have seen God.
And they say “Seeing is Believing”. 
If I have really seen God then there should not be any doubt.
If I still have doubts - if I still don't have enough faith- then could it mean that I have not yet really seen or realized God?

Perhaps my focus is somewhere else?
Perhaps my mind is still wandering between ‘Real’ and ‘Unreal’ – between ‘Brahm’ and ‘Maya’; God and the world.
It’s like two sides of the scale moving up and down for a while before stabilizing – as it's weighing both sides again and again to decide which side is heavier before it settles down towards one side.
And I realized - my mind is still wavering between ‘Kaamna’ and ‘Moksha’ – ‘desires’ and ‘freedom from desires’ – between ‘fear’ and ‘fearlessness’.
Until I clearly see and realize which side is heavier, and 'Real' - not verbally - not orally, but within the depth of my heart – my mind cannot become stable. It will keep wavering between the two.
    So, help me God.

                                                                       ‘Rajan Sachdeva’
                                                                (Morning of May 2, 2017)


                                        

8 comments:

  1. Amazing thank you so much always for your honesty and clarity i heard a old time saint once said this is Nirankar or its not its up to what you believe !

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  2. Rev. Rajan Sachdeva Ji . Thanks for this extraordinary Diary.

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  3. You have a great thinking sir.not that or any other song - but your thinking can make our vishwas strong.
    Bishan lal

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  4. Rajan Ji, thanks for sharing to analyze ourselves. Skattar

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  5. I wish and pray that we do this kind of introspection regularly. Thanks for motivating us in your own way.

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  6. Rajan Ji, thank you for sharing your experiences. This is each devotee's journey from believing in God to seeing God to realization of God with the grace of the Satguru - Divine Journey or Divya Yatra.
    As it is written in Avtar Bani, Ik Noon Manana (Believing) Ik Noon Takana (Seeing) Ik Noon Pana (Realization) Bhagati Ey.

    Sanjeev Khullar

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  7. Rajan Ji thanks for sharing you experiences “Huzoor. Aap ji ne hi taiyaari karni hai – aap ji ne hi exam laina hai te aap ji ne hi exam dena hai” these lines close to my heart and quite similar to Sufi poet Rumi ji feelings...may mathaji bless you

    khud kooza o, khud kooza garo, khud gil e kooza
    (Thou is the Vessel , Thou is the maker, and Thou is the clay used to make it)

    khud rind o subu kush.
    (Thou is the reveler quaffing drinking water from it)

    khud bar sar e aan kooza kharidaar bar amad
    (Thou too is the one who buys the vessel)

    ba shikast ravan shud

    (Thou breaks and left away) --Rumi

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  8. Thank you but I think you are talking about the other article with the title.... Blissful Memories(Baba Hardev Singh ji).
    And Thanks for the addition of Rumi's poetry'''' it's beautiful.

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